An Infinite Loop

For those of you who don't know me. .. well. Lets just say that a word that could easily describe me would be - stubborn. I am. Plain and simple. Sometimes I do the dumbest things. . just because one time i thought it was a good idea. . .and my pride won't ever let me admit to being wrong. Ever. Well. .. i guess sometimes I'll admit it. . . but only after circumstances have allowed me to spin the situation so that i wasn't ever really wrong. .. but things just worked out. . differently than i had planned.

I'm currently experiences one of those - not wrong. . but not 100% correct times. Last night. . . all of a sudden. .. it hit me. one of those - 'hey! Stupid!!! wake up and pay some freakin attention to what you're doing' moments. It was crazy. One minute i was continuing on in my bullheaded naivete - and the next. . . I'm staring reality in the face. and it was a harsh reality too.

I'd like to think I'm a smart girl. .. that i can always be level-headed. .. calm and collected. That my awesome computer skills transfer over to my ability to cope with life situations. But I'm realizing that life isn't composed of if/then statements that I determine. I can write a program, and I know exactly how the computer will respond. if this happens, then this will follow. Else - do this. It's simple. And my little nerd brain has attempted to write a lovely little program for my life. . .and it's ended up being an infinite loop! (yeah. . most people are saying, what the hell are you talking about Kat? but i don't care - cause it's a perfect metaphor). You see, life differs from my programs in the fact that there are other players in this game. . and try as i might to completely understand their actions - i can't. I predict how they will act, and try to write that into my plan. . . but what happens when my predictions are so completely wrong? infinite loop. and my brain just starts spinning. So. .. there i was. Spinning in my seemingly endless plan. .. when SNAP! someone hit the restart button. And man. .. did i restart.

And it was fabulous. The pride fog lifted. . the endless 'wake up kat - you're being ridiculous' that my family and friends have been trying to pound into my head finally took effect. Whereas before - i had the situation under control. . and i knew things that they didn't. . .after the restart i finally realized that they had seen things that my little Bullheaded plan didn't put in as a variable. Silly me. Not declaring all my variables when i first write the program. Or declaring them wrong. . . and then they put me into that mess. If you're not a programmer. .. I'm sure i've confused you. but I just had to shout it out. That I've restarted. no. better than that. I threw away the whole freakin operating system. and I switched to something better. So screw you Windows. I'm an Apple Girl. Creative, Smart, Adaptable. oh - not to mention Unique and extremely good looking. :)