When Exhaustion Hits - PhotoShop Slows

So. . I'm not in college anymore. And yet - I've been living the same lifestyle lately that I did when I was 18. I have been staying up way too late, and then trying to get up and function like a normal human being the next day. I can tell you from experience, this madness can only go on so long before you lose your sanity. Sure - Red Bulls and Rockstars will get you through a few days. . but then your eyes start to go all funny. . . you begin to lose normal speech ability, and you often stare into space.

This crazy pattern of staying up late was fine back in the college days, but now that i'm supposed to be an adult - and work 9-5. . it's not really jiving with my whole pretending to be a professional thing. The though of giving myself a bed-time makes me laugh. . so I guess i'll just have to grow up and be more responsible? I hate how responsibility sneaks up on you in the strangest places - and the older you get, the more you realize how much you suck at some areas of life. Sleep is one large area in which i suck. I also am one of those people who finds it necessary to speak whatever is on my mind. Because obviously. . the world wants to know! How could they not? My mind is full of opinions that should be perceived as fact, and so I blab on in an effort to convince those within the range of my voice that Kat's perception, should be everyone's reality.

I think I've blogged about this before - this desire to have the world revolve around my own perception. Woudln't it be nice though? Think of all the misunderstandings that could be avoided if everyone could empathize, because we were all drones. . . lol. Yeah - when you really think about it, the whole everyone thinking the same way as you would kind of take the fun out of life wouldn't it?! I love how everyone's uniqueness makes life worth living. The constant suprises, the having to shut your mouth so you don't offend, and even voicing your opinion more than you feel comfortable (*this is rare in my case. . but i see my friends struggle to let people know how they feel). All of these things, they just make life fun. More of an adventure! The constant battle of being aware of your surroundings - now that makes our lives into our own little reality-shows!

Whether we're in a family setting, at work, school, or home with the roommates - i just love to observe how people interract, how everyone is so different. I've made a hobby out of analyzing people (*may i emphasize hobby, i'm no psyche major) - and it's just so interesting to me how everyone is so different. Sometimes it's mind boggling trying to understand the other perspective, but I think as we try and do so, it refines us into better people! So if you catch me staring at you, with a little grin on my face - don't be freaked out. It's just me, trying to figure out what on earth is going on in your mind to make you act the way you do. :)

Welcome to Utah

So there I was. . . doing my hair. Again. My mornings have been the same ever since I was old enough to turn on a curling iron. I shower, blow dry my hair. . . straighten it, curl it, fluff it. . hairspray it. . straighten the ones that got lost along the way. It's been a never ending cycle of primping. And this morning, I dared ask the question of "Why in the hell am I doing this again?"

Well, as soon as the question was asked, I immediately answered it with images of what I look like when I refuse to do this process. . . fluff that hasn't been in style since the 80's comes to mind. . . and no one really wants to have an afro anymore. So why do I care so much about how straight my hair is? The answer. . I live in Utah.

You see, Utah has been blessed with a curse of way too many pretty girls. Yep. I said it. . they're everywhere. Absolutely beautiful girls, girls that you see on movies. . they're beautiful. I used to rationalize, and be like. . well they may be beautiful. . but I have character and a brain. Then I realized that. . .well, so do they. Utah is jam packed with intelligent, beautiful, sweet, driven women. Everywhere you look, there they are. Sounds great right? Wrong.

We live in a society where young girls are bombarded with pictures of 90lb women. . . the perfect dream? And we've felt the pressure since we could play with barbies to also be perfect. So what happens when you're pressured this way? You start to compare yourself to the other girls who are trying to be perfect . . . the plot begins to thicken. I've had numerous roommates from out of state, that tell me one thing they first notice when they arrive in Utah. They notice that girls are checking them out, not in a sexual way. . but in a comparison way. The second you walk into a room, you get scoped out by every girl in that room - their eyes scale you up and down to see if you're going to be competition. I remember when I first heard them telling me about this happening. . and when I realized I did/do it. I panicked. . . but I realized that it was something that had been engrained in me since I was little.

Ever since we could understand. . . we knew that our dreams were achievable. Right? Cinderella always gets the prince. . . you just have to be the prettiest gal at the ball and your prince charming will come get you, sweep you off your feet, etc. Well, what happens when you're not the prettiest gal at the ball? Panic.

I've seen numerous friends of mine make themselves sick, trying to achieve the perfect standard of beauty. We go to extreme lengths to be beautiful, to try and win the attention of the numberous prince charmings that we're surrounded by. Diets, exercise to the extreme, hours spent primping, trying to just beat out the next girl that walks into the room. I had the opportunity of working with the youth for a few summers, and noticed a disturbing trend. Girls who were defining their very selves by how other people saw them. Their very esteem was defined by what they saw in the mirror. I believe that this issue is the cause of so many problems. . . but what can we do?

I was discussing it with my dad last week, and he gave me the wise words of "Just be who you are. If people can't see that and love you for it, screw em." I immediately cast it off as good advice, but just kinda fluffy. but think of how true it is! If we could all just find confidence in ourselves, no comparisons. . how much better would the world/dating scene/friendships be?! If only we could be proud of who we are, not who we are when compared to the next girl. .. I think we'd see a world of difference. Until then. . I guess we'll be forced to keep straightening our hair. :)