"awareness" of Irony

Wow - can you believe it? School is finally over for the year (*large long sigh of relief!)Ya know, it's always so crazy how life changes from year to year. You never really know the friendships and memories you're about to make - and then when May hits, it's always crazy to see it change again.

So, I woke up the other day - only to realize that my life is so much different than I planned. For instance - my freshman year of college, I remember seeing this blonde girl in the business building. I also remember having certian feelings of resentment towards said girl. The boys just seemed to flock to her. Of course, being the girl that I am - I instantly decided that she must be either A.Snotty B. Easy C.Dumb or D. all of the above. I made an instant judgment about this girl that lasted me for about a year and half.

Well, as we've already established - my life is a huge irony. You see - last year I went on spring break with a bunch of completely random people - only to discover that said blonde girl was in our group. Oh how wrong our impressions of people can be - and how wrong they usually are. This blonde was neither snotty, easy, or dumb. She's actually one of the most amazing girls I've ever had the privelege of knowing. To add to the irony - that blonde is now my roommate, not to mention one of my closest friends.

Well, that fact just seemed to hit me quite hard the other night. I was sitting there getting ready in an apartment I never dreamed I'd be in, being roommates with a girl I never dreamed I'd be such close friends with. It was then that I realized that I really need to stop trying to plan my life - and just start to go with the flow. . . not in the sense of giving up my dreams/aspirations. I still intend on keeping with the majors - but as far as the minor details go, I need to just relax and let fate take control. So far - it's done a pretty good job - even with me resisting with all my strength!!!

Beyond all that though, I came to realize how this time in our lives forces us to freak out. So - we need to put forth all our energy so that we don't do that very thing. That is however, a very difficult thing to achieve. Major life decisions are pressing down on us from every angle, from what major to choose, to whom to marry, to what we want to cook for dinner (*okay - that last one isn't that major, but when you're hungry. . . ). My point is, sometimes we let the pressure of these decisions break us. This is supposed to be the "Best Years" of our lives - and don't get me wrong, they have been!!! I've had more fun, more memories, and more growing experiences than any other period of my life. . . and I'm forced to question if they have been so great, only because of the stressful parts. . . wow. . that was some awful english. Let me try again.

I have come to determine (*see, doesn't that sound smarter) that these years have only been as fun/growing/amazing as they have been because of the hard decisions. wow. . . still struggling to make perfect sense - but I'm getting closer. I think it's the polar opposites that occur during this time that make them so sweet. The fun is incredibly fun, while the stresses are incredibly stressing. . . we survive only because we have the most extreme of both worlds. So - how do we cope?

This brings me back to my first point - we don't cope. We just - chill. Wow - deep thoughts by a girl who isn't high. I swear! For way too long I've tried to cope - I've tried to exert all kinds of effert to "deal" with the cards life was handing me, only to realize that this was wasted energy on things that were completely out of my control. So my decisions is this: Be in control of what I can control - and otherwise, let fate handle it!