Putting on the Ritz. Literally.

So I figured it was time to write a new post! It's been about a month. . . which I know is way to long to go inbetween posts! But there's a good reason - I had no idea of what to write about!! I would think of random ideas - but none of them were good enough to make up an entire post.

So the exciting news is - I got a new computer last weekend. I love it. Mac just holds a very special place in my heart - and my new macbook isn't letting me down at all. I love this machine - and I haven't even reached the full 7 days of ownership mark. Work is going well too - we're heading into the busy season - and trying to get all of our main brands websites launched. So far NordicTrack and ProForm have launched - with HealthRider coming soon. I'm really excited to get all of the Redesigns out of the way - so we can start working on really tweaking them, spending more time on the details. I'm also trucking along in the freelance side of things. I'm having to tell potential clients "no thanks - i can't help ya" because I'm just too busy. Love that feeling! I'd much rather be too busy than to not have any work at all!

Speaking of Freelance, I actually just got hired as the web designer for the new "Discover USU" website. I am SOOO excited for this project for a lot of reasons! #1. USU is the love of my life! #2. I get to use all the fun little widgets/gadgets to make this website fun that just wouldn't fly on the sites I work on day to day here at Icon. We're talking make this baby just look "cool". And the purpose of the site? To help prospective students catch a glimpse into how amazing USU is. How great is it when you get to work on something that you're passionate about? Well, i'll answer my rhetorical question. It's very very great!
OK - so it's time to blog about something more interesting. The 'bad' news is I'm back on diet coke. I'm just a lot happier person when I'm not depriving myself of things I love. My biggest hope that came along with quitting was to lose weight. and guess what? You don't lose weight when you quit diet coke. you actually gain weight. Don't ask me how that is possible - well, ok. I know how it's possible. You replace diet coke with other things. . . like Snickers. In case you wondered, snickers has roughly 300 more calories than diet coke. which has none. Speaking of calories. . did you know that ritz crackers are full of them?! I didn't. I was trying to figure out why my fat butt wasn't getting smaller. . and so I started looking at the calories on my usual snacks. I was blown away to find out that ritz crackers have 35. In each of them. Tell me someone who can eat just 1 ritz cracker and I'll give that person a big high-5 for self control. Cause in my case - when I eat one cracker, the rest of the package quickly follows. So. . that's a whopping 3,000+ calories each time I eat a ritz cracker. Needless to say, I am no longer buying ritz crackers. I thought the whole "puttin on the ritz" was a jingle about a hotel and being rich, not about putting on pounds by eating the amazing crackers.

The Memory of Diet Coke

So. . . I've been thinking a lot lately. OH wow - that sounds so ridiculous. I - as a human being. . . have actually been capable of thought! :) Lets put it this way - the past little while, i have been thinking more deeply than usual - and even though I may be around friends, i have seemed to drift into my own little world of thought - because what's going on in my mind seems more pressing than what's going on around me. What's causing this. .. well - that's extremely hard to explain. I'll try to spare you the details - but i think the vague idea is pretty darn interesting.

I am the sort of person who likes to be in control - and sad as it is to admit. . i like to be ahead of the curve. I take a little pride in where i am in life - and that i appear to be growing up. But. . . i'm starting to wonder if I'm growing up at all. The same issues that plagued me two years ago, are still on my mind. I wonder why it is that we hold onto some things. . things that hurt us in the end. Take my addiction to Diet Coke. Even though I know that delicious black liquid will probably give me ulcers and eventually cancer. . i drink it religiously, fully aware that it may hurt me in the end. There are times in my life that I try my very hardest to quit - and ya know. . i do pretty well when i set my mind to it. I'm currently 2 weeks clean, and feeling quite proud of myself. but I still just adore diet coke. why?! when i know it's not good for me, that i feel better when i'm not drinking it. . . why do i still crave it?

I'd like to blame it on my lack of self-control. That would make sense wouldn't it? I wonder if that's really it though. . . or if it's something deeper. I know that if i set my mind to stuff - i can do it. I pride myself on that fact. My parents rooted in me the knowledge that i can do anything I want - and i think therein lies the key. "what I want". Our deepest desires drive our actions. . . and i think if i was to change my desire - i would no longer crave diet coke. But nothing yet has made me change my core belief that Diet Coke is the best drink ever. Strange. . . that even the knowledge that it's bad for me, that aspartame gives me headaches, the carbonation makes me bloated. . . that all that sodium makes me retain water and look about 10lbs heavier. . . the facts are there. but - but i look past the facts, cause for some crazy reason diet coke and I have a connection. I hope by now you've realized i'm not just talking about diet coke - but that this parallels lots of other parts of my life.

So. .. that's what i've been thinking about lately. I currently have 100 days until the New Year. And i'm doing things a little differently this year - i've got some resolutions i hope to achieve by New Years - so that I won't start of the new year hoping to change things, but that things will change before it comes - and i can start the new year off with a clean slate. Will i be free of diet coke, and other things that have plagued me for more than just 2 years? I hope so. I need to rid my life of things that I know will only hurt me in the end. Water is soooo much better for me - and it won't only not hurt me - it will help me become healthier! Stronger! I need to get rid of diet coke for good, as sad as it is to let it go. . . and become addicted to water. So here's to water. And the memory of diet coke.

When Exhaustion Hits - PhotoShop Slows

So. . I'm not in college anymore. And yet - I've been living the same lifestyle lately that I did when I was 18. I have been staying up way too late, and then trying to get up and function like a normal human being the next day. I can tell you from experience, this madness can only go on so long before you lose your sanity. Sure - Red Bulls and Rockstars will get you through a few days. . but then your eyes start to go all funny. . . you begin to lose normal speech ability, and you often stare into space.

This crazy pattern of staying up late was fine back in the college days, but now that i'm supposed to be an adult - and work 9-5. . it's not really jiving with my whole pretending to be a professional thing. The though of giving myself a bed-time makes me laugh. . so I guess i'll just have to grow up and be more responsible? I hate how responsibility sneaks up on you in the strangest places - and the older you get, the more you realize how much you suck at some areas of life. Sleep is one large area in which i suck. I also am one of those people who finds it necessary to speak whatever is on my mind. Because obviously. . the world wants to know! How could they not? My mind is full of opinions that should be perceived as fact, and so I blab on in an effort to convince those within the range of my voice that Kat's perception, should be everyone's reality.

I think I've blogged about this before - this desire to have the world revolve around my own perception. Woudln't it be nice though? Think of all the misunderstandings that could be avoided if everyone could empathize, because we were all drones. . . lol. Yeah - when you really think about it, the whole everyone thinking the same way as you would kind of take the fun out of life wouldn't it?! I love how everyone's uniqueness makes life worth living. The constant suprises, the having to shut your mouth so you don't offend, and even voicing your opinion more than you feel comfortable (*this is rare in my case. . but i see my friends struggle to let people know how they feel). All of these things, they just make life fun. More of an adventure! The constant battle of being aware of your surroundings - now that makes our lives into our own little reality-shows!

Whether we're in a family setting, at work, school, or home with the roommates - i just love to observe how people interract, how everyone is so different. I've made a hobby out of analyzing people (*may i emphasize hobby, i'm no psyche major) - and it's just so interesting to me how everyone is so different. Sometimes it's mind boggling trying to understand the other perspective, but I think as we try and do so, it refines us into better people! So if you catch me staring at you, with a little grin on my face - don't be freaked out. It's just me, trying to figure out what on earth is going on in your mind to make you act the way you do. :)

Welcome to Utah

So there I was. . . doing my hair. Again. My mornings have been the same ever since I was old enough to turn on a curling iron. I shower, blow dry my hair. . . straighten it, curl it, fluff it. . hairspray it. . straighten the ones that got lost along the way. It's been a never ending cycle of primping. And this morning, I dared ask the question of "Why in the hell am I doing this again?"

Well, as soon as the question was asked, I immediately answered it with images of what I look like when I refuse to do this process. . . fluff that hasn't been in style since the 80's comes to mind. . . and no one really wants to have an afro anymore. So why do I care so much about how straight my hair is? The answer. . I live in Utah.

You see, Utah has been blessed with a curse of way too many pretty girls. Yep. I said it. . they're everywhere. Absolutely beautiful girls, girls that you see on movies. . they're beautiful. I used to rationalize, and be like. . well they may be beautiful. . but I have character and a brain. Then I realized that. . .well, so do they. Utah is jam packed with intelligent, beautiful, sweet, driven women. Everywhere you look, there they are. Sounds great right? Wrong.

We live in a society where young girls are bombarded with pictures of 90lb women. . . the perfect dream? And we've felt the pressure since we could play with barbies to also be perfect. So what happens when you're pressured this way? You start to compare yourself to the other girls who are trying to be perfect . . . the plot begins to thicken. I've had numerous roommates from out of state, that tell me one thing they first notice when they arrive in Utah. They notice that girls are checking them out, not in a sexual way. . but in a comparison way. The second you walk into a room, you get scoped out by every girl in that room - their eyes scale you up and down to see if you're going to be competition. I remember when I first heard them telling me about this happening. . and when I realized I did/do it. I panicked. . . but I realized that it was something that had been engrained in me since I was little.

Ever since we could understand. . . we knew that our dreams were achievable. Right? Cinderella always gets the prince. . . you just have to be the prettiest gal at the ball and your prince charming will come get you, sweep you off your feet, etc. Well, what happens when you're not the prettiest gal at the ball? Panic.

I've seen numerous friends of mine make themselves sick, trying to achieve the perfect standard of beauty. We go to extreme lengths to be beautiful, to try and win the attention of the numberous prince charmings that we're surrounded by. Diets, exercise to the extreme, hours spent primping, trying to just beat out the next girl that walks into the room. I had the opportunity of working with the youth for a few summers, and noticed a disturbing trend. Girls who were defining their very selves by how other people saw them. Their very esteem was defined by what they saw in the mirror. I believe that this issue is the cause of so many problems. . . but what can we do?

I was discussing it with my dad last week, and he gave me the wise words of "Just be who you are. If people can't see that and love you for it, screw em." I immediately cast it off as good advice, but just kinda fluffy. but think of how true it is! If we could all just find confidence in ourselves, no comparisons. . how much better would the world/dating scene/friendships be?! If only we could be proud of who we are, not who we are when compared to the next girl. .. I think we'd see a world of difference. Until then. . I guess we'll be forced to keep straightening our hair. :)

The Fellowship of the Nerd

Oh I do love Dilbert. He's a little cartoon genius he is. You see, I have hereby entered the business world. As a geek. So I feel a sense of kinship with Dilbert. We nerds have a fellowship - and i'm going to prove my geekiness by calling it the 'Fellowship of the Nerds'

It was about three years ago that I realized I was part of this fellowship. For years. . I denied it. Assuring myself that I wasn't a nerd, that instead I belonged with the "cool" kids. I"ll never forget the day I realized I wasn't cool at all. I was sitting in one of my computer programming classes, and my teacher cracked a joke about SQL. It was hilarious, and I laughed. But - I also realized that not one of my friends would have understood this joke. oh. . the harsh reality that is finding yourself in the fellowship of the nerd.

I have since embraced my identity. I tell my friends that I "embrace the title of geek with pride". I now receive multiple phone calls a day from friends who haven't yet realized I don't live in India, and I'm not their local 24hr Tech-Support agent. I love to talk about my MacPro - and it doesn't even phase me to see my friends faces glaze over when I start to get excited, talking about how much GHz, and Ram this machine has. (*Honestly you guys, if you had any idea. . . ). I have an obsesssion with anything that has an Apple emblem on it - and if Steve decides to upgrade the Iphone again - you'll see me watching the KeyNote, and you'll find me outside the doors of AT&T the day it comes out.

I love my nerdiness, I think it makes me endearing. Cause heaven knows, if I didn't have the nerdiness, I'd only be known as Diet Coke Kat. Not Nerd Kat. And that - that would just be sad.